The Truth Beneath Perfectionism
Perfectionism is sneaky.
It doesn’t always show up as colour-coded planners or obsessing over your appearance.
Sometimes, it’s quieter. More hidden.
It looks like over-preparing, over-giving, or overthinking every conversation hours after it's ended.
It sounds like:
“I just want to get it right.”
“I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“I’ll just do it myself — it’s easier that way.”
It feels like:
Tightness in your chest when someone sees the messy parts of your home or your life.
Avoiding rest because there’s always more to do.
Playing it safe, even when your soul is aching to be seen.
Perfectionism isn’t about high standards.
It’s about survival.
It’s a deeply ingrained way of protecting yourself — from judgment, from rejection, from the unbearable shame of not feeling “enough.”
I’ve seen it in myself more times than I can count.
The way I clean before anyone comes over, not just to be tidy — but so no one thinks less of me.
The way I rewrite things three times even though they were fine the first time, & still run them through chat gpt to make sure it flows, and has correct grammar and spellings!
The way I micromanage the morning rush with my kids (including still having one eye on my 20 year old son making sure he is up for work on time!) because I want everything to run smoothly, so no one gets stressed, so no one feels disappointed, so it all just… works.
But the truth is — I am exhausted by trying to get it all right.
And I know I’m not alone in that.
Because perfectionism isn’t just about being perfect.
It’s about trying to control the uncontrollable — other people’s thoughts, feelings, expectations.
It’s about avoiding the pain we’ve felt in the past when we got it “wrong.”
When someone raised their voice.
When we felt unseen.
When we were told we were too much, or not enough, or simply not quite right.
And over time, we internalised that message:
If I can just do everything right, maybe I’ll be safe.
But perfectionism never really delivers the safety it promises.
Instead, it births people-pleasing.
It teaches us to bend ourselves into shapes we were never meant to hold.
To smile through the discomfort.
To over-give.
To carry the load in silence.
To become whoever we need to be in the moment to keep things calm, tidy, manageable.
Even if it costs us our truth.
Even if it leaves us invisible.
So if you’ve ever:
Said yes when you wanted to say no
Replayed a text five times before sending it
Taken on work that wasn’t yours to carry
Felt responsible for other people’s comfort
Gone above and beyond just to avoid conflict
…then this is for you.
You are not broken.
You are not failing.
You are responding exactly as a woman who’s had to earn love, prove her worth, and perform to feel safe would.
But there is another way.
There is a version of you underneath the perfectionism.
Underneath the pressure.
Underneath the striving.
She is not polished.
She is not "on."
She is not always agreeable or easy to digest.
But she is real.
She is wise.
She is tired of pretending.
And she’s ready to be reclaimed.
If you’re ready to meet her, here are some sacred journal prompts to begin:
🌀 Where in my life am I still trying to be “enough” by doing more than I need to?
🌀 What part of me is scared of getting it wrong — and what does she need to feel safe?
🌀 What would shift if I let go of being “pleasing” and leaned into being real?
🌀 Who might I disappoint if I chose myself… and am I willing to make peace with that?
🌀 What would it look like to soften the grip of perfection and come back to presence instead?
You don’t need to fix yourself.
You don’t need to get it all right.
You don’t need to be more — just more you.
And if you're craving a space to lay it all down and be seen in your fullness — the messy, magical, magnificent you — come join us in the Sacred Sister Sanctuary.
Because here, you don’t need to perform.
You just need to arrive.
And we’ll meet you there.
With love from the heart of it all,
Laura x
