The Sisterwound!

Healing the Sister Wound: A Journey to Connection and Empowerment

If anyone had ever said to me I would become the founder of a woman’s community, I would have laughed out so loud, because for me, women have always meant danger. From a young age, I didn’t hang out with girls, my best friends were boys. I didn’t have a connection to women in my life. Sure my mum was great, I have my nan who looked after me, I have the women at nursery school that were awesome. But over time, as I grew, as I looked different to other girls, as my boobs grew faster, as my hormones changed, as I realised I was much more sensitive than those around me, and that I didn’t really fit in. When the exclusion and bullying started at the hands of girls. When the ‘other women’ of my partners, affairs of husbands, competition at work, began in my adult life, I realised it wasn’t just going to go away. Was it just me, was I just settled in a victim mentality that would always perpetuate this reality, no, I knew that not to be the case.

So, it was ironic that I chose a career that would span 30 years, working every day with women. Women as my colleagues, women as my clients, listening to thousands of women’s stories, after all nobody comes for a bikini wax and doesn’t tell you about there life story, because that is a space they feel safe in, a space they can share openly, where I don’t know them, I don’t have any judgement and I am not about to share that conversation with anyone else, because why would I. Like an invisible code, where it just felt safe to share.

There were times when I would be told things, that were the deepest, saddest moments of someones life. Where I would end up holding them whilst they cried. I didn’t need or want to give them advice, I didn’t need to fix them, I was not there counsellor, they just had a place to speak whilst having a massage, facial, or something else that would make them feel better about themselves.

So how did I end up here……..I knew I wanted change. I knew I wanted to Make A Difference in the world. I knew that it has to start with women, acknowledging and accepting that these wounds exist, and that they need to be healed. I know I want a different world for my daughter…….so lets talk about it, the first part of any change is acknowledgement!

The sister wound, a term that encapsulates the pain, mistrust, and competition often felt between women, rooted in societal conditioning and cultural norms. For generations, women have been pitted against one another, taught to view each other as rivals rather than allies. This wound runs deep, often manifesting as jealousy, gossip, comparison, and a lack of support among women.

But at the heart of every sister wound lies a deep, often unspoken desire for connection, understanding, and belonging. Healing this wound is not only possible but necessary for the collective empowerment of women.

What is the Sister Wound?

The sister wound is the result of patriarchal systems that have divided women for centuries, encouraging competition over collaboration. These systems have taught us to compare, criticise, and fear one another, feeding a scarcity mindset that suggests only a few women can "win" — whether it's in terms of beauty, success, or approval. This dynamic is a significant obstacle to creating genuine, supportive relationships among women.

The wound is reinforced by messages from media, family structures, and societal expectations that glorify individualism over sisterhood. This dynamic leaves many women feeling isolated, untrusting, and afraid of vulnerability with other women.

Signs of the Sister Wound

The sister wound can show up in many subtle and not-so-subtle ways:

• Comparison: Constantly comparing your success, appearance, or life circumstances to other women.

• Jealousy: Feeling envious when another woman achieves something, instead of feeling joy or inspiration.

• Gossip and judgment: Engaging in or fearing gossip, which is often a way of bonding over shared insecurity or judgment.

• Mistrust: Finding it difficult to fully trust or confide in other women, even close friends.

• Isolation: Feeling disconnected from female relationships and struggling to form meaningful bonds.

The Path to Healing the Sister Wound

Healing the sister wound requires deep inner work, community support, and a reimagining of what relationships between women can look like. Here are some steps to begin this healing journey:

1. Self-awareness and reflection
   Acknowledge the presence of the sister wound in your life. Reflect on moments where jealousy, mistrust, or comparison have surfaced in your relationships. Understanding that these feelings are often conditioned responses, rather than inherent traits, is a powerful first step toward healing. Without casting judgement on yourself, we are all in this together.

2. Challenge societal narratives
   Society often presents women as adversaries in a race for beauty, success, or love. Begin to challenge this narrative by consciously celebrating the achievements and strengths of other women. Shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance, recognizing that one woman’s success does not diminish your own potential.

3. Cultivate compassion
   Practice self-compassion and extend it to other women. Understand that the behaviors tied to the sister wound come from a place of pain and conditioning. Compassion allows us to create a safe space where women can be vulnerable and heal together, instead of perpetuating cycles of judgment and mistrust.

4. Sisterhood circles and sacred agreements
   Building genuine connections with women requires intentionality. Joining sisterhood circles, like those created in the Sacred Sister community, can offer a safer space for women to connect, share, and heal. These circles are founded on sacred agreements that foster trust, understanding, and support, helping to dismantle the patterns that fuel the sister wound.

5. Reclaim and redefine sisterhood
   Sisterhood is not just about friendship - it’s about solidarity and shared healing. When women come together in a spirit of unity, they create a powerful force for transformation. By reclaiming sisterhood, we dismantle the harmful narratives that have divided us and begin to support each other in profound and meaningful ways.

6. Celebrate each other
   Actively celebrate the successes and strengths of the women around you. Support their growth, show up for their wins, and offer a hand in their times of struggle. This simple practice of celebration shifts the energy of competition into one of collaboration and mutual upliftment.

Embracing a New Era of Sisterhood

Healing the sister wound is an ongoing process, one that invites women to step into a space of deep compassion, understanding, and unity. When we do this healing work, we not only transform our relationships with other women but also reconnect with the sacred feminine within ourselves.

As we heal the sister wound, we create a ripple effect that extends far beyond our individual lives. We pave the way for future generations to experience a different kind of connection—one that is rooted in trust, love, and genuine support. Through this process, we remember that we are not competitors but allies on a shared journey of healing and empowerment.

Let us come together in sisterhood, acknowledging the wounds but choosing connection, healing, and love.

This is a central part of the work we do at Sacred Sister, where we foster sacred connections and encourage women to come together in authentic community, united by a shared mission of healing and empowerment. Together, we are stronger. Together, we rise.

Laura Ireland

Founder of Sacred Sister