When Expectations Speak Louder Than Words: Returning to the Sacred Code
There’s a moment — subtle, but unmistakable — when something someone says lands wrong. Maybe it's a look, a tone, or just the absence of a response we hoped for. And suddenly, we’re activated. Not just irritated, but flooded. Flooded with stories, with assumptions, with the old ache of not being seen, heard, respected, loved.
This is the moment expectations speak louder than our words.
We might not even realise we had them — those invisible expectations we place on others to meet our needs, soothe our wounds, read our minds. But they rise up when we feel let down. And often, when we feel hurt, we respond from that place of our pain, the invisible wound. Sharp words. Cold silences. Passive jabs. Defensive spirals.
And underneath it all? Not just what was said, but the energy it came with. The unspoken words. The intention behind them. The aching hum of I’m hurting and I want you to know it.
In Sacred Sister, we speak often of the sacred code — the sacred agreement we make when we choose to be in conscious community. A code that invites us to be responsible for our own energy. To notice when we’re activated, and instead of reacting, to pause.
This is the most radical act.
To pause.
To breathe.
To ask: What just got stirred in me? What story am I believing right now? Where does this expectation come from? Is it even fair?
And only then — to speak.
To speak not from the wound, but from the wisdom.
Not from defence, but from the desire to connect, understand, repair.
Not from “you did this to me,” but from “here’s what this brought up in me.”
The sacred code isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about never getting triggered, never saying the wrong thing, or walking on eggshells to keep everyone happy.
It’s about being aware.
It’s about owning our stories, our pain, our patterns — without making them someone else’s responsibility.
It’s about remembering that we have the power to create healing — in how we show up, how we respond, how we speak when it's hard to.
We’re not here to play out old patterns of wounding. We’re here to rewrite them.
So next time you feel that sting — the heat in your cheeks, the closing of your heart — let it be a whisper from your inner world. Not an enemy, but a guide.
Pause.
Listen.
Then choose — to speak from love, from sovereignty, from the sacred.
This is how we come back to each other.
This is how we come back to ourselves.
With love, not fear!
