Stop Abandoning Yourself
There is a lot of conversation right now about change.
Some are talking about astrology.
Some are talking about midlife.
Some are talking about the state of the world.
Some are talking about the awakening of women.
And whilst all of those conversations have value, I find myself returning to a much simpler question.
What if the biggest thing we're being asked to do right now is stop abandoning ourselves?
Not next year.
Not when the kids leave home.
Not when we have more money.
Not when things calm down.
Now.
Because if there is one thing I witness time and time again in the women who find their way to Sacred Sister, it is not that they are broken.
It is that they are exhausted.
Exhausted from carrying too much.
Exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone.
Exhausted from holding together lives that look successful on the outside whilst feeling disconnected on the inside.
Many of us have become so skilled at caring for everyone else that we have forgotten how to care for ourselves.
So skilled at listening to everyone else's needs that we can no longer hear our own.
So skilled at belonging that we have forgotten who we are.
The Hidden Cost of Belonging
A few days ago I came across a piece that spoke about women and regulation.
It spoke about how women have always found nourishment through connection.
Connection to themselves.
Connection to each other.
Connection to the Earth.
Connection to rhythm and cycles.
And whilst I am always careful about simplifying science, the deeper truth landed in my body immediately.
Many women are starving for connection.
Not social media connection.
Not networking.
Not being surrounded by people.
Real connection.
The kind that allows you to exhale.
The kind that allows you to soften.
The kind that reminds you that you do not have to perform in order to belong.
Because somewhere along the way many of us learned that belonging came at a cost.
We learned to be agreeable.
We learned to be nice.
We learned to put everyone else first.
We learned to shrink parts of ourselves to keep the peace.
We learned to say yes when we meant no.
We learned to stay quiet when we wanted to speak.
And often we learned to abandon ourselves before risking abandonment from others.
Women Were Never Meant To Do This Alone
When I look around modern life, I don't see women lacking information.
I see women lacking support.
I see women carrying responsibilities that previous generations shared amongst a village.
I see mothers trying to do the work of many.
I see women working full-time whilst also carrying the invisible emotional labour of families.
I see women desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning.
And I see women blaming themselves when they feel overwhelmed.
But perhaps the problem isn't you.
Perhaps the problem is that we have normalised isolation.
Women were never meant to navigate life entirely alone.
We were never meant to raise children alone.
Grieve alone.
Heal alone.
Age alone.
Or carry the weight of the world on our shoulders without support.
We have been separated from each other in ways that many of us don't even recognise.
And I wonder whether some of the exhaustion we are feeling is not because we need to do more.
But because we need to remember what we've lost.
The Return To The Village
One of the reasons I am so passionate about circles, community and gathering is because I witness what happens when women come together.
The shoulders drop.
The masks soften.
The nervous system settles.
Women stop performing.
They stop fixing.
They stop proving.
And for a moment they simply get to be.
Not because someone gives them permission.
Because they remember.
They remember that they are enough.
They remember that they belong.
They remember that they are not alone.
The village isn't something we are trying to create.
It is something we are trying to remember.
What Are You Ready To Stop Carrying?
As we move towards the Summer Solstice, the season of greatest light, I find myself sitting with a simple question.
Not what are you calling in.
Not what are you manifesting.
Not what are you striving for next.
But:
What are you ready to put down?
What story no longer belongs to you?
What fear is keeping you small?
What expectation are you carrying that was never yours?
What version of self-abandonment are you finally ready to release?
Because perhaps the greatest transformation doesn't happen when we become someone new.
Perhaps it happens when we stop leaving ourselves behind.
And perhaps that is what this season is really inviting us into.
Not more doing.
Not more striving.
Not more proving.
But a return.
A return to ourselves.
A return to each other.
A return to the village.
Reflection
Take a moment today and ask yourself:
Where in my life am I abandoning myself to belong?
And what would change if I chose myself instead?
With love,
Laura x
Don’t forget to check out AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE this weeks podcast.
